As I sit here stuffed inside my cubical, slouched over in a chair that calls for  constant muscle aches and cramping I wonder, how did my first post-graduation job turn out this way?

One month ago I was packing up my belongings and mentally preparing myself to move back home with my mom and younger siblings just north of San Fransisco. Going back to the same bedroom that I grew up in, did my AP English homework in, lost my virginity in, and slept in during my college vacations sounded all less than appealing to me. With all this in mind I scrambled to apply for every paid internship/job in my college town, only to get rejected by the majority of them. All my hopes were being crushed beneath my feet. Miraculously, at the last second I received the call I'd been dreaming of since day one. I had landed a full time marketing job at a cool local company downtown! A hefty salary, benefits, and paid vacations sounded like more enough to keep me around. I jumped into things a little too quickly, though. I found an apartment with one of my best friends and was able to continue my journey in a matter of 3 days. But, to my dismay and in my clouded vision of what I thought was happiness, I have been doubting my decision to stay in this town since week 2.  I was so pumped about this opportunity of a lifetime that I forgot to do some basic research. This company sounded legit from the beginning and their reviews online were phenomenal. Little did I know they pay people to write fake reviews for them. I even had my mom check the company out and when the words "go for it, this company looks legit" came from her mouth, I knew I had made the right decision. I was wrong. This so called marketing company told me that I would be making at least &35.00 an hour, but come a month and a half later there hasn't been a single word spoken of pay or a single contract for me to sign. I quit my my previous full time job for this, only to make 10 times less than I was making before. But it's all about experience and building my resume, right? I sure hope so. How am I supposed to pay my rent/electric/cable/water/insurance bills every month? The worse thing is that my friends still don't know that I haven't been paid and that I don't know when my first paycheck, if ever, will come my way. I don't want them saying "we told you so" and "you jumped into things too quickly." I know I made a mistake and don't want to hear it from any of my peers. That will only make me feel worse about this job that's giving me nothing more than some experience to add to my resume that nobody is going to look at anyway. I though getting my B.A. meant landing a full time job right after graduation with benefits and a 50k salary starting off. I was wrong again. But Lesson learned, don't rush into anything and at the same time try to learn from your mistakes. In this tough time I need to remember to stay calm and know that everything will work out in the end. I know that one day I will be successful. I'm hoping, avoiding black cats in the ally way, and praying that I will find a full time job that I absolutely love.  And hey, maybe that job will come with a tall dark and handsome, 20-something year old co-worker for me to fall in love with along the way. If only life was perfect.

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    August 2012